he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
