It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
