Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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