She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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