Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
