The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
