I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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