i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
