so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
