Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
