I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
