That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
