Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
