Dual....:-)
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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