I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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