Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
