Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
