I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
