Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
