I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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