new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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