It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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