i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
