Yo dont text me then not text me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
