Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
