Do you still have your period?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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