this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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