It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
they need to just BURY HIM!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
