What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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