Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and she was petting her beer can
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
