Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
