I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
