He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
