I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
