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he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
