think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
