best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
