he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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