Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
