This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
