I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
