Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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