I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
