when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize