Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
