he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
