Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
