Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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