so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
