I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
