dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
