She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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