I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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