you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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